Love Walks In

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
A discussion.

I was asked if I believed in it this week and I'd never really thought about it. But since then, all I've really thought about is my stance on this issue. Hard telling why. I'd gone a lifetime not really thinking about it and not really caring. I know God's timing is perfect so that might be believing in meant to be but I can't say yay or nay on love at first sight.

I still can't for sure. Because the cynic in me says that's a line. Males use it when meeting pretty females for the first time to make them think... I don't know really. I also can't tell you why guys use lines. Do they work? Eh, yes probably.

So... Love at first sight. My first thought was simply what I stated earlier. I've never thought much about it. On second thought I realized it HAD happened to me. 

I knew from the moment I laid eyes on it at Courtesy it was meant to be in my garage.  I had fallen in love. The lucky recipient? What would become MY VERY OWN, 2007 Jeep Compass. Red of course. It was the same feeling I had with my Red Saturn, and Blue Saturn, and Caviler... Etc, etc. At first glance, I knew they were meant to be mine.

I'm not being smart here either. There's a certain pride, and well love that I have for automobiles. 

The other times I've experienced love at first sight? Well, I'm a mom so my kids? Actually no. 

At first glance I became aware of the task at hand. I'm a very task oriented person. So I saw the responsibility to raise a good person. Did I love them, sure. But again. I was consumed by caring for them. Keeping them happy, and clean, and fed. Love grew.

The two situations I've just described are two different "loves." I may have fallen in love at first sight with my cars, and I still do love them, but I traded them. They're just things and I know that. (that being said, I love my Jeeps.....SO MUCH) I loved them immensely at first but, it faded I guess otherwise I couldn't have traded them.

With the love that grew, Megan and Bailey. 
I love them. It wasn't "love at first sight," but it's a love that's grown. I love them both more now than the day they were born. I've gotten to know them, their little personalities, their likes and dislikes and I do things that they like just because they like them, not always because I like them. 

As I sit here thinking about the comparison I just made, I guess I don't believe in "love at first sight." I guess for me, love is worth more if it's grown, cultivated, and invested into. Not something that just exists. Love is work and it takes time. I don't believe you can know in an instant.

But, can you? Now I've begun thinking about the first time I met important people in my life. I won't say it was "love at first sight," but there was an element of instantly being aware of....something. 

The second time? Hold on, I'm counting backwards here.
The second time I instantly knew anything was the night I was introduced to someone who became a very good friend. In that instance I remember thinking, they'll be important. I just didn't know how. They were important, we became friends and still are. We've had our ups and downs, but I can say that little hunch at first glance was right. 

Okay. Now the first time.
I walked into one of my classes and I just remember thinking, "Huh...I wouldn't mind if he asked me out on a date." I never did anything about it. If I remember correctly it was second semester of freshman year, so it was right after I met the first Joe and that preoccupied me for that entire semester. I guess I missed an opportunity. But then after high school we actually ended up going on a couple dates or so. He was someone when I look back I can say, "He was nice. I'm actually better for that." It just didn't work out which later I would realize was the story of my life. :)

Makes me think, maybe back then if I would've given "love at first sight" a chance, maybe things would've turned out differently. Because ultimately I married a guy that the first time I saw him I thought, "Wow, those are some awful pants.... And he's weird." 

So......the jury's still out on whether or not I believe in love at first sight. Maybe for some people.

All I know is that I do believe in things that take time, they tend to last. You go about things slowly and take your time learning things about the other person. You INVEST and I like the idea of that. I like investing in other people.

But then again, I could be wrong. I have an appointment with a divorce attorney on Tuesday. I obviously know nothing.

That's life. 

Your Mother Should Know

New annoying mom chain status update going around on facebook.  What else is there to do other than dissect it?  I know right, I couldn't think of anything either.

Here it is as seen on facebook:  "JUST A MOM????.....  I can't stand it when people say, "Your JUST a mom?" Yes, I am a Mom!  That makes me an alarm clock, cook, maid, waitress, teacher, nurse, referee, handyman, security officer, photographer, counselor, chauffeur, event planner, Hairdresser, personal assistant, ATM & I scare away the boogie man.  Id don't get paid holidays, sick pay or days off.  I work through the DAY & NIGHT.  I am on call 24/7 for the rest of my life.  And that's just with BEING A MOM.. !! I may not be anything to you but I am everything to someone!!  Re post if your a proud mom, that would do ANYTHING on this planet for their child <3 !"

First off, dear Jesus remove teacher.  Your?  You meant you're.  Dear whoever originally wrote this, I want a red pen so badly right now...  But, I digress. 

In reality if you aren't a stay at home mom you have NEVER been called "just a mom."  You have a work title, or career and people respect that.  If you work or go to school no one's calling you "just a mom."  That's coming from someone who was a stay at home mom.  I was guilty of saying that I was "just a mom."  Because I was.  I didn't need to remind people to pat me on the back for doing what was expected.  Everyone knows it's not like we're sitting around eating bon-bons all day, and if you are, you're probably the mom that is constantly reminding people you aren't "just a mom."  Soapbox over, now begins the fun part of dissecting the heck out of this thing:

An alarm clock... Yeah, I guess.  But I mean, I'm not so sure I want to refer to myself as an appliance.  I make sure my kids are where they need to be when they need to be there.  It's part of the job, no need for a special title like alarm clock.  Fancy pants.

Cook... You aren't a cook because you're a mom, you're a cook because you're a woman.  Now, get back in the kitchen. I kid, I kid.  And come on, mom or not you're going to be cooking.  How else are you planning on eating?

Maid... Ditto.

Waitress... That ties in with cooking.  It's not like you're going to have your toddler dishing out their own food when it's hot on the stove.  Don't be dumb.  Cook/waitress SAME STINKING THING in the mom world.

Teacher... I've already addressed this.  PLEASE GOD ORIGINAL WRITER OF THIS POST, TEACH YOUR CHILD NOTHING.  But also, I mean, I've never really gone out of my way to teach the girls anything.  We count the stairs as we walk up them and sing our ABC's but I'm not going out of my way at all to do it.  It's just guided play at this point.  And later... more like tutor.  I'll be paying a teacher to teach them.  Someone educated to do so. 
*This does not apply if you home school, obviously you make lesson plans that are above and beyond normal mom stuff*

Nurse... So you apply band aids and take care of your child when they're sick.  Expected.  And furthermore, go ahead and say you're a nurse because you're a mom to a nursing student.  Let me be there to watch.  Please.

Referee... Eh, let 'em fight to the death.  They'll learn.  Just kidding.  I've actually got nothing on this one, my kids get along pretty well.

Handyman... Only if your husband isn't one.  And I mean that's more of a home owner title.  Anything I've fixed around the house has nothing to do with my parenting. 

Security officer... You lock that door! Like a boss.

Photographer... Because taking pictures of my super adorable children is such hard work!  I can't see how people enjoy this.  Sarcasm. 

Counselor... Okay true story.  Mom's are the best for this.

Chauffeur... I'm not wearing a black coat.  They're tagging along with me! Let's hit the town little kids.

Event Planner... Sure, once a year when birthdays come around.  Otherwise you schedule.  Again, part of the mom handbook.  It's what we do, no special title please.

Hairdresser... Ponytails are pretty hard, and applying bows, and again, totally NOT fun work!  :)

Personal Assistant... Who's your kid?  Donald Trump?!  Yes, you assist them in some of their activities but, that's just being a mom.  No special titles please.

ATM... Uh, not spelled correctly.  It's spelled, D-A-D-D-Y.  Get it right. ;)
I might provide anything they need, their dad and I do, but the day those little kids start treating me like an ATM... Lord help those entitled little brats and shame on me for letting them get that way.  If I provide basic needs, you help out around the house and earn your fun, and if you earn it and are grateful you aren't treating me like an ATM.  Case closed.

Oh yeah, that boogie man BETTER watch out, I'll take him down.  If Daddy's not around, because it's totally a Daddy job.

I work through the day and night...  I don't know about you, but I do sleep, a little.  And take a wine-Kate C. break at nap time. 

I'm on call 24/7 for the rest of my life... I have daughters, when they say, "I do," TAG! I'm out! Welcome to the family son-in-law.  I am now available if needed but I wouldn't go so far as to say on-call 24/7.  That's him now.

RE POST IF YOU'RE PROUD TO SAY YOU'RE JUST A MOM. Period.

I'll Never Fall in Love Again

63 years ago today Tom Hammock borrowed $5 to marry Ezell Franks, and they lived happily ever after.

Happy anniversary to my parents! This is like the only significant date that's turned out to be happier since Pop passsed away.  Care to know why?  He missed her.  Big revelation there.

You know he could tell you down to the minute almost how long they'd been married.  But he was counting all wrong.  I saw that marriage in the post Ezell years and, boy he counted like he stopped being married on October 20, 1998.  He didn't.  He turned trampy neighbors down (Now, I know my dad was a stud, but GROSS, and a quick soapbox... don't you DARE come to his visitation and talk to me like I didn't know what you were really trying to do.  I've been holding that in for 10 months now, man that felt good.), he turned dating services down (they started calling immediately I swear it was weird), he told Momo, "no!" when she suggested that after she pass away he try to take so-and-so out.  She had our best interests in mind, she was just on narcotics.  What the heck Mom!?  Anyway, that man was just as married and devoted to my mom the day he died as the day he married her.  I was telling someone about that this summer and he said, "that's how it's going to be when I get married."  I have 545848742 reasons to believe he was lying, but... I don't.  I don't because people want they had.  I want what they had. 

Now I know that people call it old fashioned and go further to say I was watching an outdated model and didn't know how to be married.  Screw them.  If it worked it was a good model and YES I expect the boy to hang stuff up and fix little things around the house.  I'll help but that's primarly his area.  I didn't ask for much help cooking and cleaning.  And that's true I really didn't, it wasn't until two kids did I start asking for help with the bathroom once in a while because I just didn't get a chance.  And I suck at laundry.  Now that I'm in school I know I don't take on as much responsiblity as I should around here.  I'm lucky to get groceries bought and dinner cooked and the house straightened let alone actually cleaned, so I don't clean floors or do laundry, those are his feminine jobs.  But then again who was pregnant and shoveling our driveway and painting our house? Right I did some things he should've been responsible for back in the day.  See that's important.  You have seperate areas of expertise but you still help the other one.  I saw that living with the Hammocks.  Pop got the snowblower out and Momo and I got our shovels and did the porches and walkways.  We helped him.  Momo and I pretty much rocked the housecleaning while Pop was at work, we had time.  But at the end of every day Momo washed the dishes, I dried them, and Pop put them away.  Seperate, but overlapping roles.  And again SCREW YOU if you think their model of marriage is what f*cked mine. 

Was is perfect?  I slept between them when I was little, guess what wasn't happening.  That probably wasn't healthy.  But Pop sure as heck didn't go anywhere else or make Momo feel like some kind of freak.  She just wasn't an overly affectionate person, or as I'd like to call it, she was classy.  And let's be real, they were old.  So maybe that's the area people are referring to when they like to blame their marriage for the failing of mine.  I can see their point, kind of.  Anyone ever thought maybe Momo and I were just very similar in that whole area?  No I sure did not kiss at my wedding, I'm not about to kiss someone with a whole room of people watching, plus we were in church.  Gross.  Doesn't mean I'm not okay with it in private.  And  note please, two kids in two years?  Umm... I don't know about you but I'd rather do it the old fashioned way instead of invitro.  Way cheaper.  Now, I'm not going to make this blog gross, all I'm saying is there are reasons.  Megan and her freaking huge head did a number on me.  It was almost 2 years until I was back to normal.  In those 2 years Sarah was already normal I guess, and Amber, and whoever else.  Whatever, that was just my little defense.  Because let me tell you, it's incredibly hurtful to hear that people close to you told your husband when news became public he cheated that "what you did wasn't right but we can see why you did it" and "we were just surprised it took you so long." I should punch those fools.  Anyway, that's all I'm saying about that.  Don't need too many agreeing on how awful I am.

The moral of the story here is that I was lucky enough to observe a wonderful marriage.  They went through hell together.  Momo wanted so badly to just spend time with my mom and my grandma when I was a kid.  She loved them.  But they didn't really come around until she got sick and that hurt her.  They both had to bury their son, the child that honestly they had the best relationship with.  Not trying to be mean but it's true.  He came around and loved Momo probably even more than I do.  Losing him was hard on them.  They worked hard for everything they had.  Then finally when Momo retired they were going to get to enjoy life.  But that wasn't the case either.  Here I came.  And five years later, a "disability" and then cancer a year after that, and then Mom passed away in 98, only 8 years after she'd retired.  But I'm so greatful they raised me and took on that burden and I'm so greatful Pop kept raising me after she died.  They really were the best parents anyone could ask for and they had a fantastic marriage.  There was only one time Momo told Pop she'd leave.  Pop told me that was when my mom was living there, I don't know if that was when I was a kid or a baby, but anyway they had clashing personalities we'll call it and Momo finally told Pop it was her or Dawn.  Pop made the right choice, Momo was his number one priority.  When Pop told me this I was a little shocked.  But I'm glad he shared stuff like that with me eventually, it made me feel like less of a freak.  See Momo and I we have quite a few similarities and well that explains why my bio mom and I clash so much.  He even said I was more like Momo and Garry that I was my bio mom and grandma.  I only got 9 years with Momo but I can't help but think he knew what he was talking about.  I just wish I could be as awesome as she was. 

Really though, I've been all over the place with this post.  A little crazy, I'm heavily medicated still so forgive me.  But here's what I think made their marriage work:

They had a godly marriage.  And they laughed.  That seems to be the key.

I never had any of those things, so if you'd like to point to reasons as to why mine didn't work, I tend to take things a little too seriously and it just never really was a godly marriage.  It wasn't the example my parents set.

One more thing, my dad's last smile?  When the nurse told him the morning of March 3 he was going to see his wife later. 

I love him so much. I'm almost 23 years old and I still want to marry my daddy.

Family Tradition

I was sitting at the kitchen table, a plate of pickles sat before me with creme cheese and Alvin and the Chipmunks were singing in the background.  Only this time, I wasn't the child.  I was the mom.  Weird. 

Ask anyone, my mom was awesome at making pickle wraps. Yum, yum, yum.  She used to make them before our big family Thanksgivings and Christmases at the Scottish Rite.  I loved "helping" her as a kid.  I would eat the peices of meat she let me have basically. 

So today, Megan climbs up in the chair next to me.  She took over my job.  I had to be the responsible one, not just the cute little meat eating kid.  What. The. Heck.  She was sweet though.  She had no idea that I was sitting there smiling at her and thinking about my mom and I doing the very same thing 15+ years ago. 

I will never forget the memories I share with my mom.  We would do all this stuff, pickle wraps, molasses cookies, set up, etc. for these family holidays.  And then I got to thinking about my Grandma Franks.

Megan points to the pictures on top of the doll cabinet. "Mommy's a baby!"
"Who else is up there Meg?"
"Megan!.... Sissy!"
"Who else Meg?"
"I don't know"
"Well Meggie, that's Aunt Candy, and Uncle Fred, and that's Grandpa Franks.  And see them?  That's Grandma and Grandpa Franks!"
"OH!"
"Did you know today was Grandma Franks' birthday?"
"yeah."
"Oh you did?  How old would she be?"
"Uh.... giggle I don't know."
"She would've been 103!"
"Oh!"

That's right my grandma would've been 103 if she were still alive.  It's so strange to think about her being that old.  So much time has passed. My children will never know these people that I grew up knowing. 

I started thinking of the time Mom and I were sitting in the backseat of the Jeep at Unlce Joe's house on Mother's Day one year.  It was whenever those little birthstone necklaces with the little kids on them were popular.  I had the smallest hands so I was back there stringing them on for Grandma's mother's day present.  I think I remember being annoyed because I was busy playing.

But, you know what?  I realized my kids have some pretty special things going for them.  I get to wrap Megan up in a blanket Grandma Franks crocheted for me.  Megan has this blanket that her great, great, great grandmother made.  She'll never meet her but a lot of kids don't even have these things that have been saved over the years. 

Of course I can tell her and Bay stories about my family.  Like the time Pop and I were over at Uncle Joe's (I don't care if he doesn't go by that anymore, for years I edured Onery Anne, he can deal with Joe)  But, I love him.  I really do.  Mom had such a good family.  Anyway Pop and I were over there with Grandma Franks and we made lunch, some soup.  We could not find a serving spoon to save our life.  Well, we could it was just one with holes in it.  And we made soup.  And the Annie-Tom kitchen mishaps began that day!  We all got a good laugh later.

And then there are the stories I heard Pop tell.  Now, he wasn't very detailed, but I knew that after him and Mom got married, Grandma wasn't his biggest fan.  And wasn't for a very long time.  But somewhere along the line things were smoothed out.  I don't know really, things like that were kept from me.  It's okay.  What I do know is I couldn't tell there was ever a disagreement between the two.  I remember when Grandma had her stroke on 12-20-1998 Pop and I visited her in the hospital everyday up until the day she passed away.  She would try to speak to him but she wasn't able to be understood.  I can still remember my dad telling her he knew how frustrating it was because she knew she was speaking clearly.  He had a stroke in 1980 so knew exactly was she was going through.  But there was compassion.  I saw that he cared deeply about her regardless of anything that had happened over the years.  I want to be able to do that.  I know people critize my dad, but he was a wonderful man, he really was.

Man, let me tell you.  My Grandma, she was pretty cool.  Pop used to tell me stories about her spitting off the porch back in Arkansas.  And her and I got to share socks!  When I was a kid I got a whole package because they were too big for her I think.  I'd sit between her and Mom or Aunt Betty during Sunday evenening church and color.  I've even got a picture of her and Grandpa Franks in my wallet.  Becuase of all these stories and little things in our house my kids will know who their great great great grandma was and I'm glad. 

Megan will go to sleep and I'll cover her up with that old blanket and just smile.  She's got a hertiage.  It may not be exotic or fancy like her dad's but it's a hertiage, with lots of love, and really good looking women.  No but seriously, my cousins, all gorgeous.

Anywho... happy birthday Grandma Franks, and Merry Christmas to everyone else!

I Want to Hold Your Hand



Pop, Megan and I on her first Easter in 2009.

What a week.... some far too personal to post here. (Which says a lot since I'm fairly upfront about everything, too upfront)  But what I can post about that happened this week... My Dad's 83rd birthday.  Only, he wasn't here to celebrate it.  I won't lie, it was a difficult day.  I could hardly focus on my finals and was actually thankful for the crazy week because it kept me distracted.  But in all of that I forgot what birthdays are for.  They're for honoring the one born, and I believe that goes for after they've passed on as well.  So here goes:

My Dad was the best that anyone could ever ask for.  Care to know how many times he let me down? Twice.  The second was when he was in the hospital this last time.  He said he'd call our tax man for me when he got home.  Now, Pop never promised anything, he only said he'd do it.  That was worth more than a thousand promises.  But, we all know why he didn't call the taxman.  I think I knew he wouldn't be calling him, but I asked anyway because Pop always did what he said he'd do, maybe that'd give him what he needed to get out of that hospital.  It didn't work, but dang I tried.

But the first time he ever let me down...

He had just had some skin cancer removed from his hand the day or two before and still had the stitches from it.  I was probably about 4 or 5 and I was a goof.  Where the stitches were looked like a closed eye so I called it his sleepy eye.  Here we were a couple days later and he said we could walk up to the park and on our way out the door he shut the door on that hand and busted the stitches.  He had to go right to the doctor and we didn't make it to the park.  Obviously I totally understood, but I think he took it harder than I did.  It was probably the first time in his life he didn't follow through.  See, I quickly understood and just went on with life.  But for the rest of his life he'd always say, "That was the only time I didn't do what I said I'd do."  Whenever he said that I knew he would follow through with whatever he'd told me.  He used that story to prove himself and encourage me.  It's true, that was the only time he didn't do what he'd told me he would.

I remember sitting next to him in the ICU and holding that hand.  See I'm a freak and remember people's hand anyway, but especially his.  I saw the scar from his sleepy eye and was reminded of how faithful he was.  No one else has been so faithful to me.  He was a wonderful man and I'm so glad I get to say that he raised me.

Alright, Okay, You Win

A few weeks ago now someone told me something that I just haven't been able to shake. "Where are your kids? What would they think of you being here?"  I immediately got defensive and pulled my well used, "Between bedtime and breakfast is my time..." line.  But I haven't been able to shake it, why?  Because this fool was right.  I hate that.  But... he was right.

I was watching Megan today during church and she was putting on my sunglasses and picking up my keys and goes, "I Mommy!"  She's watching me like a hawk.  She knows every move I make.  Then I looked at her at lunch and was just so humbled that I was given such a perfect little girl to raise.

Megan and Bailey deserve so much more.

So, if I have to make sacrifices, I need to.  That's what parenting is.  If I'm lonely, I'm lonely.  If I'm home on a Saturday night, without any friends, so be it.  Sure I may only be gone after bedtime but that still has an effect on my parenting, it just does.  I need to straighten up and I don't have a single excuse that's good enough.  Yes, it's been a tough year and a half but no one's life is perfect.

I've been here before I literally sacrificed everything for my family and it didn't get me very far.  I was incredibly lonely.  Thankfully I had a few really close friends that came running when I needed them.  And I swore I would never lose so much of myself again because people need people and not just there family.  I had this mentality that I have a family now, no one else matters.  No, they do.  The right people, in the right proportion.  And I have no intention of ditching my friends in order to be a better parent, there has to be a balance, I've seen what an unbalanced life can become.

Being lonely was tough, but when it gets hard I always go back to the old song, "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand."  Nothing's ever been more true.  I remember listening to this when Pop was in the hospital and just realizing, I have nothing else that I can cling to, nothing.  All other ground really is sinking sand, whatever that is for you.  Whether it's a drug addiction, a relationship, your job, it's all sinking sand. 

There's only one solid rock.  And that solid rock is the only way I'm not going to totally fail my little girls.

She Goes Down

There are a few things I have ALWAYS remembered my dad saying.  Some was absolutely crazy, some was just goofy and some was actually quite deep:

#1. The crazy. "Two things you should never talk about are politics and religion, especially since you're a girl." Ooops.  Don't worry me not listening isn't a post his death thing.  I didn't listen when he was alive either.  And let's not forget... he was wrong.  It's okay Pop, no one is perfect.  I'm only close.
#2. The goofy. "Don't smoke don't chew and don't go with the girls that do." Obviously, I had to switch this to "boys that do." And.. oops again. 
#3. "The young can and the old must." He was talking about death here.  It was his way of warning me that I wasn't garunteed to have him.  But, it's also helped me to not only realize that I'm not immortal but to also cope with losing someone that you just shouldn't because they're far too young.  

Notice how I didn't listen quite a bit?  So I guess Now that I'm the parent I catch myself saying things that fit in these same categories and thank God my girls probably won't listen to me either.

#1. The crazy. "Megan don't say sucks, I'd rather you say f*ck than that." Right, I have no idea what I was thinking here. NO IDEA. However, I really do not want her to say sucks, that's not an okay word to say.  So I end up having the, "Mommy is sorry Megan, those are both grown up words and I don't want you saying either."  Apologizing to a 2 year old is pretty humbling.  And I needed to.  No one call CPS, okay?  I meant well, I just failed, hard.
#2. The goofy. "Bailey, you're pretty like your mommy." "uh-huh!" "Only, you have bigger feet, maybe you'll be taller like your uncle. If you're pretty like your mommy but taller you're pretty much going to be unstoppable. (pause) You'll also be locked in the basement."  This might be goofy, but it's true.  And she will be locked in the basement.  I'm already coming to terms with prison when my girls are of dating age, you know, 40.  That's why I'm studying Pre-Law, I'll need to defend myself in court someday.  It's a reality. 

And here's #3, I want them to listen to me here though... I'll just be toning it down and keeping it PG as they get older and start to understand.  And yes, it fits in the other categories too, due to the fact that I tend to not have a filter anymore...

"Girls, it says a lot about a girl how much time she spends on her knees.  (pause, stop and think) And... what she's doing when she's on them." 

Okay okay, I have no filter.  Fail.  But... hear me out.  Unpack this for a minute.  

This is a true statement.  I was actually talking to them after we had finished praying (see, not a terrible parent, too terrible anyway).  So here you have two ends of the "on your knees" spectrum.  The first is obviously prayer, the time a girl spends praying his important.  And the the other end of the spectrum.  Put two and two together, you're adults figure it out.  Now, I know which end I want my daughters to be on.  Refer to statement #2 and my ultimate destination in prison.  

When Pop was in the hospital I remember kneeling at the end of the bed and praying about everything.  Hard.  I prayed hard.  I actually felt the most at peace and confident afterward.  It was so important that I do that, kneeling before the Lord really ended up giving me the strength I needed.  And in this instance it was absolutely crucial that I fell on my knees, I remember feeling foolish, but I just did it and I needed to.  The Lord strengthened me for what was about to happen.  All I could do was surrender totally and I knew it.  Some will argue, "hey I'm a 21st century girl I'm empowered to do whatever I want." True.  But keep in mind what you're so "free" to do will only result in you becoming a slave to it.  You'll still surrender totally, but what are you surrendering to?  Or who is the better question.  The whole situation has the potential to be totally degrading, and it probably will be. 

In high school, I remember being stopped after a See You At The Pole event by another student who said, "Wow, I didn't realize Annie could pray like that."  People will see in your life and maybe first hand if you are a person of prayer.  There's a woman at my church that I've known for a long, long time.  If you ever need anyone to pray for you, you call her.  She's an amazing woman and I have so much respect for her.  And I think that proves my point right there.  When a girl is on her knees for the right reasons she's respected and regarded well.  Do I really have to explain the other side here?  You can get acclaim on this side too.  You're going to wonder when the last guys co-worker asks you on a date if it's only to see if he's right though.  That's no way to go on a date.  Come on.  That's not acclaim, that's degrading.  Shop talk happens, don't be the subject willingly.  Just don't put yourself there.  You may not have bad things said about you directly but you aren't going to have what this woman at my church has, respect.  Can you really be proud of this?

See unpacked, you can tell I meant well and it's my goal to raise good people.  I hope that they remember this (the PG version) their whole lives though.  I want them to realize how important it is to surrender totally to the Lord.  I want them to have the kind of relationship with God that they know to get on their knees and pray about EVERYTHING.  

Most importantly here, I want to set the example for them because unless I do it myself, I won't have even a shot that they'll listen to what I say.

 

 Can we agree to never tell the kids some of the garbage I say now? Like, until I'm dead? Yeah?

Oh yeah, and I love the Family Circus. And, well, it seemed appropriate for today.