Brown Eyed Girl

I haven't mentioned much in this blog about my little Bailey Sue, which is funny because she's perfect and well, I kind of like her, a lot.

"why'd you sell yourself so short?" - a friend in reference to rushing a marriage.

I answered in the same way I always do.  I knew what my dad wanted to hear.  I knew better than to be pregnant and not do anything about it.  And then pointed out that I could've stayed home and had the baby (Megan) but if I choose to do that I wouldn't have a place for us to live right now.  That ended the conversation quickly, it always does.  But there's something else.  I wouldn't have my Bailey.

She wasn't planned.  In fact after quite the delievery with Megan I was thinking I would never be able to have another baby.  Not only that, there's no way I was trying to have another baby when we lived in a small two bedroom duplex.  So, a few months pass after Megan is born and yes, the first time, when the timing said no baby, and with extra percautions to make sure no baby, well... FAIL.

So we bought the house, a bigger Jeep, painted the room, and prepared for Bailey.  I was perfectly happy with how my life was turning out.  I didn't know what was in store just a few short months after my little girl was born. 

I say she was my saving grace, because she was. 

From the first time she grabbed my finger with her little hand I was in fact, wrapped around her finger.

Oddly enough I felt so close to the mom I had lost at nine years old after she was born.  I think it's because she looks so much like me and I suddenly just knew what Momo saw when she looked at me.  I've never felt closer to her than since Bailey was born. 

She looks like a Hammock.  She just does, she's my link to both my parents.   

I bonded with her so quickly and so much more than I had with Megan.  With good reason, she's a Mama's girl, not mention I was Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner for 9 months.

When everything started happening in my marriage the way it did, just a couple months after she was born, I had her.  I still had to take care of myself because this little girl depended soley on me.  I had her to think about in that position and what I would want her to do.  Not only that, I just got to hold her and have two big brown eyes look at me with complete adoration.

When Pop died, and I kissed him for the last time, I held her through that.  Maybe she held me.

I don't think I would have made it through the last year without my Bailey.  She's kept me going and brought complete joy to my life at a time in my life, there really isn't much joy otherwise.  She's just the best.

This picture reminds me of a picture of my mom and I.